I'm Batman?? Maybe...

I wanted to give you a quick update, and show you pictures of the new Master Control. From what I've heard, it's going to be like the BatCave. There is going to be a fresh new floor. We'll see when it starts going faster. So far, all the tear out is done, and a new wall has been built and finished. I used to be able to see the tuners for the satellites we use. That is all behind the new wall. Four new air conditioning units have been installed for the new space, so they must be preparing to combat a lot of heat from the equipment that we'll be running. I'm very excited!

Clicking on each picture will bring up each album.



We have had a contractor group come in, and it seems as the rumors I'm hearing... are true. We have a new floor now, and the components are being installed. I asked one of the contractors how long it would take to get this up and running. He told me a month. It sounds like a long time, but for what is being built, I don't think it's a long time at all. This will make being in this broom closet well worth the time.

This next set of pictures was taken only 10 days later. Ten days! It's really starting to take shape. I'm getting really excited, as this will bring new skills to my repertoire. These pictures show installed racks, miles of wires, and a look at what will be.

Tornadoes and Warnings and Cut-ins! Oh My!

Today has been a crazy day. I figured I would tell you about it, while the action is hot. Today, we've been having Tornado Warnings, for the last 2 hours or so. As Master Control, it's my job to run crawls for weather warnings. But, what happens if it's so severe that there could be tornadoes?

If the threat is real for tornadoes, we might have to cut into programming, which we have done two times so far today. For me, it's a matter of dumping out of my programming, and giving control to the news department. They will do everything that they have to, to inform the public, so they can stay safe. But my work has just begun, in this process.

It's my job to monitor the programming schedule. I have to decide ways to cut programming, so I can stay on time. First, I'll decide how much time I'm losing. I can remove promos for shows on the station, or PSAs (Public Service Announcements). We don't get paid for these, so losing them is OK.

Next, I have to figure out if time constraints can save the paid commercials. I am basically running the cash register for the station, as the paid sponsors are what brings in our revenues. Right now, in an election time, it's important to make sure those play, as they are bigger money. That won't be an issue for me today. It's always bad to lose commercial revenue, but it's more important to keep our viewers informed and safe.

The main bummer for me today, is that I am in a block of paid programming (infomercials). These are half hour blocks, that make quite a bit of money. If you've ever wondered why stations play infomercials, it's because they make good money. I've dumped out of one program, and had to join another in progress when we came back. As I'm typing this, we are cutting into another one. My job is to make sure that the money gets played, without errors. Today, due to circumstances with weather, which I cannot control, I can't complete that task.

It makes the time go fast, and it's very exciting to be a part of this team. Our meteorologist Craig Gold, has been on point, talking for 40-50 minutes at a time. Our director Chris Siegert, has been switching weather graphics at Craig's cues. We really do have the best coverage, when it comes to severe weather. Our passion, and commitment to being the best really shows on days like today.

The New Digs- An Update

If it seems that I have been slacking in telling you more about what it's like to be a "Television God". There's been well... really not much to say, as I am waiting for my crystal castle to be constructed. What? You heard me. Master Control will be a crystal castle. I get hints, here and there, about what it will be like. I am very excited, but I'm a little apprehensive. I'm sure you're asking, "Why? You're a Television God?". It will be the start of a daunting task. I will be going from running 3 stations, to running many more.

I get information, a little at a time. Some from this guy, some from that guy. I have to disseminate the intel, and decide what could be true, as I'm the last to know anything. The ability to adapt on the fly, to new technology, and use it to do my job, is one of the things a Master Control Operator has to excel at. In the end, I really don't like having to use that skill, but tricks in the stash, are what separates the good ones from the bad ones.

Let's go with what I have decided might just be the course of action, in the coming weeks. (Like how that's vague? Welcome to my world!) Soon, we'll be running, what looks like, 8 stations. A bunch will be "canned programming". This means that we take a feed, and get it ready for a later airing. This will mean that my workload will increase substantially. There will also be that many more commercials, many more show promos, and many more crawls for weather and news. Don't worry, I'm good for it. It will just take some getting used to.

We were told that construction would begin on my new digs in June, after sweeps. Construction couldn't start, until after the tear out. It also took some extra time for things that I really didn't understand. Turns out... My boss, who really is a "television god" (Ask his peers. He's like a legend in South Florida TV.) had to get approval to use money for all the different parts of this. He had to decide how much money, and where all of it will go. There is the "wall guy", the "floor guy", the "this guy,and that guy". There are all the different companies that have to come in, install their equipment, and show us how to run it, too. He has to schedule it all, so each part gets installed in order. Reflecting on all this, if this was my job, I would be totally stressed out.

I took some pictures, to show how things looks, as tear out starts. Equipment has been taken out, and that went relatively quick.











Next time, I'll be showing the progress of the new space, which should be state of the art, as anything less is below my Chief Engineer's standards. I'll also be telling you about what editors do, and how they are responsible for making sure you have video, when you watch your local news.

Thanks for reading. Please subscribe, so you don't miss any of the progress in my "Fortress of Solitude", and so you know everything you need to know, should you ever want a "Life As A Television God"...

With A Little Help From My Friends

It's been a while since I posted. There is a reason for this. Let me explain...

I sent my blog to my General Manager. I wanted him to look it over, and let me know if I was breaking any policies that broadcasting companies have, and to let me know about things I can't share with my readers. I sent him the link over a month ago, but I haven't heard back from him. I'm sure he's just really busy. He is taking over a huge job, and we've added a bunch of stations to our "family", and I'm sure this is a lot of work.

But... I'm a "Television God". I don't have time to wait for some suits to let me know if everything is OK. My new attitude is to share, share, share... until someone tells me otherwise.

If you are one of my 3 subscribers (thank you), you may notice that the top of my blog is now awesome. It's custom graphics, fitting for a "Television God", like myself. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank publicly, James Manos. I gave him a description of what I needed, and he made this outstanding title graphic for me. Thanks again, Jimmy!

Let's talk about Jimmy for a minute. Jimmy works in our Creative Services department. He's responsible for some very important things here at the station. He takes care of our daily episodics. You know the ones... "On the next Dr. Phil..." Master Control takes a feed of these teases. They are different lengths. Jimmy takes each one, and adds our station logo, and full screen graphics, so they are for our station.

He is also the guy who makes the cool promos for big stories at the station. When sweeps time comes, he is busy making these promos, so folks tune in to watch our news for the "big story".

He also records news teases. He shoots the anchor, adds news video, and graphics. These teases show what's coming up on our news. He also makes custom graphics for news elements, to be used in our newscasts. He does even more, but I wouldn't know what those things are, as I just know the things that cross over into my job.

Over the next couple weeks, I'll be sharing the jobs that others at the station do, so you can get more of a feel of how things work. I like that my job brushes with other jobs here. We have to depend on each other to do the jobs correctly, so the next tasks go smoothly.

Next time, I'll show you photos of how my new digs are coming along.

"I get by with a little help from my friends."

What You Don't See Makes Me Awesome

You know... I can't call myself a "Television God", and not show you some proof. Time for talk is over. Here... Let me show you something...
What you're going to see is a local break that is scheduled during "CBS NEWS Up to the Minute". This, of course, is licensed to them, and should they want to sue me, all I can say is that I don't have any money. Each hour of the 2 hour program has 2 local breaks, and an alternate, should you need to use it. They occur at 25:00 and 55:00 (2:25. 2:55, 3:25, 3:55.) I talk about PSA swaps and Promo Swaps in a previous post called, "Back To The Grind" Check it out!
I wanted to show you one, so you could really see what it looks like. I could explain it for an hour, and you still may not get it. This break, because I know when it's scheduled, is given a clock time, so it runs automatically. I actually dial this "in" time back by 15 frames (half a second), so I don't catch the beginning of the PSA and look sloppy. Will it clip what I'm leaving? Maybe, but that will look way better than the other way.
Check it out! The bottom screens are CBS Network. You will see that they go from programming to PSA, and back. The top screens are our local break. We play a paid spot, then some PSAs and a promo for our news. When we go back to news, the switcher takes network, while the local spots stop, and cue the next element.
Sorry about the shaky hands, as I drink lots of coffee. And that high pitched hiss?? That's the motors for all the equipment, as well as the A/C in our small temporary space. (See... "A Change is Gonna Come")

So... Why would they do this? It's odd to put commercials over commercials. Why do they do that?
They do this so that, even if you don't have advertisers for the program, you can still run great CBS programming. Some stations may find it hard to sell advertising time at 2:25 in the morning. This helps them maintain programming. The days of stations going to color bars in the overnight are gone. All CBS Morning News, as well as the late shows, do this. "CBS This Morning" actually has alternate programming during some breaks. Each hour does have required end breaks, that a station must fill, as network goes to black.
Hopefully this explains it better than my words. If you have any questions, never hesitate to ask me. I love talking about my job.
Sometimes these swap breaks come unannounced, or with very little warning. A 5 second bumper is a wonderful thing.
I hope I don't get in trouble with my boss, for posting videos of all our "Secrets of TV", or for posting all sorts of copyright infringement. Make sure you check out our great local advertisers!

A Change Is Gonna Come

Four years ago, when I first started in Master Control, things looked a lot different. We played beta tapes right over the air. Every time there was a break scheduled, you'd better be right there. You had to set up your time wisely, so you could pull off everything that you had to, on your shift.
We were on the verge of major change. Within three months, we were using an automation system to run the station. This meant that breaks could run automatically, by entering clock times, and you could make your programming tight, with very little work. This freed up a lot of time. My life at work became quite nice, as I could relax a little, and still get my work done.
THIS...

HAD BECOME THIS...

As things got smaller, and more automated, the area I had, seemed to get larger. So many little computers... Some that I use for my job, and some that do things by themselves, were all that we needed. Things were changing for the good. While always changing and upgrading, we still managed to to do the same duties. But again, we are on the verge of a major change...
First and foremost, my job duties are going to change. We were bought out by Sinclair Broadcast Group. They own quite a few stations in this market. We're going to be running them too. I never get the definitive number, as I get knowledge on a need to know basis, and I never need to know. The rumored number is somewhere between 6 and 12 total.
This means more program feeds to take, more promos to record, more commercials to ingest. My job will become ingesting and monitoring. I'll be running all these stations, and there will be no time for monkeying. Attention to detail will be key. Entering the right clock times, and doing it on the right station, at the right point in time will be of the utmost importance.
I won't be tuning in live shots anymore, as that is part of news, and news will be responsible for that. Same thing with tuning in their satellite feeds. I'll miss that, as it was something I liked doing. Someone in news will have to figure it out when they send 4 live elements to the same street corner. Good luck with that!
I love my job, and I'm always looking for the next challenge. Now... the challenge is looking for me. We are overhauling Master Control, to add these new stations, and the equipment that comes with them. To do this, we'll be taking over another compartment, and renovating ours. Part of the process is taking Master Control, and putting it somewhere else. The spot chosen for this was my department head's office.
It always seemed bigger when... Oh, who am I kidding? It's tiny. Can it be done? Can you just move the working part of the TV station to somewhere else? Do you have to shut down the station?
I don't use the word amazing that often, but this really was amazing! They moved all that stuff, while I was still on the air, watching some Doctors show about farty, poopy, pregnant women with tramps stamps of old lovers. Then, a Dr. Phil episode about women who married a serial rapist. By the end of this two hour period, it was done. The humanoids watching at home had no idea, of the monumental task that had been performed.
They had moved the main switcher in, and my ingest computers first. As I turned around to remark that I would need "this" or "that"... there they were, carrying that object I would need. Just 4 guys moved an entire working TV station, and made it look so easy.
People say that there's no way Superman can change clothes in a phone booth. I beg to differ. I can run a TV station in a phone booth. Just look...

So, it is a little bigger that a phone booth, but not much. I'll be posting more pictures of the construction, as it goes on. Be on the lookout for more posts from me. I'll be trying to add video next, so I can show you aspects of my job that you may think are cool, as well as, things you didn't know happen.

While You Were Sleeping...

Working overnight, while lonely, is drama free. Things aren't as busy for the overnight shifts. They can be, but they usually aren't. It doesn't mean the overnight shift isn't important.

As soon as I come in at 11PM, I have to start my "Confidence Tape". I need a tape to give me the confidence to do my job?? No. It's an air check. We record each day's programming for a number of reasons. If something happens on the technical end, we can review it to see what exactly happened, so we can fix it, or whatever might need to be done, so it doesn't happen again. If an operator screws up, it's on tape, as evidence, so don't screw up! It's also used to show an advertiser proof that their spot aired properly. This is a way to ensure we get paid. It's like, "Look. Here's the spot playing. Now give us our money!" Master Control is literally running the cash register. It's our job to keep the money coming in.

My programming starts with CBS12 News at 11. From there I go to Letterman, then Ferguson. I watch these shows. I literally kick my feet up and watch these shows. They're fun. I like seeing how celebrities are just regular people. They poop too.

During news, I set up a feed of Jack Hanna, that plays on our secondary station, on Saturday. I segment it after the late shows.

After that, it's a Paid Program. Tonight's was a guy who sells life insurance. He has a talk show, where he and his dad talk about it. They are very passionate about life insurance. Very passionate. It's an ongoing series. It's funny.

At about 2AM, I go into national morning news. It's an hour show, that gets replayed. I like it, because if I miss a story, or want to see it again, it just plays again. At 3, I dub our 2 promo swaps. I think they are called swaps, because we use them to promote CBS prime time shows. Rodney takes the feed at noon, and takes what he needs out of it, leaving me what I need.

At 4:30, they switch to HD, and give me more news. In this half hour, there are two manual takes. The rest of my night's breaks are entered by clocked times. The times for the late shows are sent via a message system. CBS national news breaks are set times. I watch a lot of TV on my overnights.

At 4:30, we start our local news. I like our morning crew, and soon after our news starts, it's time for a call from the photog. What's a photog?? A video journalist. More than a camera operator! They also feed back video for editors. They film their reporter, and then make a package for later airings. They film, edit drive, and operate any equipment they need to to do their job. So cool!

Sometimes it is easy to tune in a live shot. You turn your dish until you have the best signal you can get. Then you have him turn his dish until it's the best he can get. Tilt up or down until it's just right, and they are tuned in. I basically work with the photog to get the best "handshake" between the truck and news control. "I'm Dude, live in blah-blah..." doesn't happen without me.

Sometimes... It's hard to get a good live shot. Sometimes they are downtown in the tall buildings. It creates a lot of feedback. A lot of play in the signal makes for a horrible looking live shot. Sometimes, when they are down on the waterfront, there's no way to get a good signal. There are times when you have to bounce the microwave signal off something, to get it good.

At 5 AM, it's time to send out any discrepancy reports for the day, and start a new transmitter sheet, and the next day's log.

At approximately 6:41AM, I record a 30 second weather cut in. It gets used later in "CBS This Morning". There's a verbal cue, telling you when to take the cut in. It's something like "Here's a look outside your window". Watch the show, and you'll see what I mean. From there it's just a matter of staying the course until 7AM.

I drink a lot of coffee, but I still get really tired.

"Prime Time" is because of me...

I wanted to give you an entry on Sunday, but I decided to read comic books during basketball instead. Sundays are about the same as Saturday.

I had plans to give you an entry yesterday, but I was busy for 8 straight hours. I hit the ground running, and just never had the time. What could I have possibly been doing???

Mondays are the day of the week that I work the "Prime Time" shift. 3PM-11PM. Great programming, with lots of extra things to do. I like it, because there's no down time. It makes time go faster. It seems more important, than some overnight shift, where I'm pretty sure myself and 4 other "tweakers" are watching, and they're only watching until they decide to take apart the TV.

I've been riding a bike the 4 miles to work on Mondays. Gotta stay sexy, right?? It's actually because I don't get paid like a God. We have one car. Each ride is an 20-30 minute adventure. I ride down MLK Blvd. Now, who's the man?? I have to be careful of the broken 40 oz. bottles, and the little school kids making gun motions with their hands as I ride by. Another weird thing about the trip through "Suicide Slum" (great Superman reference), is that the laws of Atmospheric Science don't apply. Really. If you have a 15 mph headwind, it makes the trip harder. It's constant. As an experiment... I turned around, and rode a block the other way. Same headwind!!! How does that happen?? Only in the hood!

So what did I do at work??

Right...

So, after my cool down...

I relieve a guy we'll call... Rodney. It's his name, anyway, so it works... He gives me any info I need to know, so nothing catches me off guard. Missing spots in my playlist, any work he just didn't have time to finish, or like he did this time... an EAS test. I had to run a weekly test of the "Emergency Broadcast System". It was only a test...

I had a pair of IT engineers in my business for a few hours. They're about the best in the business, and I know, that even though it was a hassle to work around them, they are doing something cool, to make my job easier. What that something is, I don't know. That's why I'm not an engineer.

At 4, I take a feed of "Inside Edition". I segment it for air 3 hours later. Sometimes, due to technical stuff on the feed, I have to take a replay. It happens. It just tightens up how much time I have to get stuff done.

Sometimes... A guy will call me and say, "Take the next feed, due to..." One time I erased the old one, and prepped for this new feed. Turns out the guy with the fast speech was from the other show, "The Insider", which we haven't taken for over a year. I had to get a re-feed of the show I erased. That cost lots of money. Bad Sean!!! That guy still calls, but I'm wiser now. I tell him to take us off the call list, He still calls. You'd think he'd want to do less work???

While all this is happening... I'm monitoring "The Doctors" and "Dr. Phil". I'm looking for "Creative Services" to come up off my news teases, so I can get them in the playlist in time. Yesterday, they changed something last minute. I hustled, and it got in about a minute before it played. See what I mean by "Television God"?? A mere mortal would have told them too bad, and it would have to be OK. But that is below me. I bend time, so I can pull stuff like that off. "Bend time"??? Some other time, I'll explain that.

So... I get into CBS12 News at 5. It's a 90 minute block of news. I used to have to wait for them to call for break, run it, while giving them time cues back to segment. Technology says, "Do it yourself, yo!!" So, now they do. It frees up time for me, as I am busy filling in the holes where my "episodics" are missing. What's an episodic?? That's a promo for a show that plays every day. They promote the next day's episode. "Tuesday, on Dr. Phil... A guy who's mentally screwed up... On CBS12..."

At 6:30... I go to "The CBS Evening News... With Scott Pelley". This show is the trickiest part of my day. One half hour... 2 local breaks... One emotional man... This show has three breaks. First one... All network. Second break. 2:00 national, then local. Third break... 2:30 national, then local.

It's really hard for me to get this right. Here's why... The count for the 2:00 national, might start when the dip to black, or... it might start when the first commercial starts. You never can tell, and the next break might be the same way... or not. There's one way to help this out. That's counting back at the start of each commercial. That can get you as precise as half a second, if you are lucky.

During this show, I am getting the log for the next day, and entering the playlist. I spend an hour or two dubbing missing commercials, and promos, so there are no holes, and I can watch my prime time shows in peace.

At 8PM, I take a transmitter reading, and check the tower lights. Can't have planes crashing into the tower. That would be rude.

My lineup is so good. I watch "How I Met Your Mother". I just plain watch it. Same with "Two Broke Girls".

During "Two and a Half Men", I start recording "Dr. Phil" for tomorrow. As I segment it, during "Hawaii 5-0", I watch the episode. I make sure it's got audio and video. I then realize, I'm not really that screwed up, and I feel better about myself. Thanks, Doctor... Your show has really helped me.

After that, it's a few news teases to dub in, and kick my feet up, and watch the exciting conclusion of "5-0" Then my relief comes in... We'll call him... Ray...

I like Mondays. Most people hate them. How can you, though?? You get a fresh start, every time one comes around. It's a chance to redeem yourself from last week, and make it better. It's chance to start something totally new.

Back to the Grind...

For most people, Saturday is the first day of the weekend. It's time to catch up on the things they don't do during the week. It's time to relax...

For me, it's the first day of my work week. I work the morning shift on Saturday. I come in during the end break of our local news, and get busy. I hit the ground running, with CBS Saturday Morning. It's the 2 hour national news spectacular. It's a busy show, with lots of manual switching. It has many opportunities to fail, or, as I like to see it... succeed.

CBS offers programming, with the exception of prime time or live programming, with PSAs where breaks are scheduled. Why?? (in my best game show announcer voice) So you can broadcast great CBS programming, even if you don't have paid sponsors!

We used to allow these PSAs to play, instead of utilizing the time for commercials. Our new owners are all about making money with every opportunity presented. It should be this way. Master Control Operators have to "cover" these PSAs. It's a skill that you need to develop quickly. Let me explain...

There is one frame of black between programming, and the PSA. One frame?? Yes. There are 30 frames in one second of video. This means you basically have 1/30th of a second to make your move. Can it be done?? Sure... If you can fully depress the button that fast. Me??? I like a little fudge with my PSA covers. It's a time when I get to have "artistic expression". The key is to find the right spot. Most commercials and promos don't have speaking all the way up to the end (Thank you). This is where I dip to black. Why?? Because that frame of black, and the switch to the beginning of the PSA is hidden, so it's pretty. I have to clip the end just right. If I hesitate, a frame of the PSA will show. They are loud to get your attention. It's ugly. You've probably seen something like this on cable. I look up in the network monitor, and wait for the PSA to pop up, then I take my break.

Why wait??? My break matches the time of the PSA break. If I go too early, the end of the PSA will show. This is ugly too. By waiting, I ensure I cover to the end. It's about giving viewers clean air, so they never know what's going on behind the scenes.

Sometimes, there's a bumper. Sometimes, these breaks don't come with a "bumper". (A bumper is a 5 second "You're watching" or "watch this show". Sometimes, it's something like "2 minutes national break/1 minute local". This means that I have to watch the time the break hits, and count ahead for my hit time. If the break is supposed to hit at 07:24:45, then that's it, right???

Wrong! We count frames here. 30 seconds, for us, means 30... with no extra frames. We have to keep things tight, to conform to network timings. But network... is network. We have to work around them. They don't have to count frames, so all commercials go black to black. This could be up to five frames per commercial, heavy or light. Four commercials in the break?? That could be half a second!

But now, it's time for March Madness basketball! These breaks are easy. Network gives is a 5 second bumper for these. "Watch this show, this night, only on CBS." It's live sports, so there are no PSAs to cover. They go to black, and my break runs. Coming back clean is key. You can't come back late, so you have to be fast on that button.

I'll share another secret to being a Television God tomorrow. What will it be??? Maybe you'll have to check in, and find out.

What's a Television God??

Captain's Blog Stardate 20120314.0344

I'm a little over halfway through my overnight shift. Since my blog is supposed to describe how I am a television god, I had better get to it, or else I might lose my one reader.

It wasn't my plan to be a "Television God". It was my plan to be a radio god. It all started way back when...

I was a long haired rocker type guy. I was 18. I was told, by someone who was a DJ, to go to school. After years of procrastination, and dealing with only what I had to, I was moving furniture, sun up, to sometimes past sundown, 6 days a week. It's a pretty miserable existence, if you can get it.

In 2006 (almost 20 years later), I did go to that school. After that, I got hooked up (there's no other way to put it) by my job placement counselor, with a job in West Palm Beach, Florida... in television. I worked my way into a Master Control Operator position. It's so choice!

In a week, I work all three shifts (1st, 2nd, and 3rd). I am pretty cool like that. I get the best of all three worlds. In upcoming episodes, I'll be telling you the ins and outs of some of the things I do, as long as they don't violate "intellectual property policies".


I am the one who runs the station. I'm not some suit... I'm the guy who pushes the buttons that run the station. Some people say all I do is watch TV. That's not true. I "monitor the air". While I do watch TV, I do other things...

I'm responsible for dubbing commercials in the server for later airings. I take feeds of shows, and segment them for later airings. I enter clock times for all the events I can, so automation makes the switches at the proper times. I monitor the transmitter, and make sure it's running. When you see a news crawl, or a weather warning... Yeah, I do that to.

So when you think about it... I am the guy who mans the helm, ensuring that the humanoids of  "The Golden Metropolis" can just go on with their lives never knowing anything is wrong. And when there is... I'm the one who informs them of the things they need to know, whether it's me, or someone I give the switch to.

That's what makes me a "Television God". Who better than me???

Why I don't have a blog yet

 Captain's Blog Stardate 20120314.0251

Instead of telling you why I have a blog, I'll tell you why it's taken me so long to finally have one...

I am one of those people who worries too much about what others think. Most times, I bring this upon myself. I am the one who posts stupid things on Facebook. I'm the one who is always saying things that are, quite frankly, corny. Most people probably think I am not the knife in the drawer. In reality, I have always been very intelligent. I took it upon myself to "dumb myself down". Why would someone do that?? It's not normal.

When you spend your life unsure of yourself, for whatever reason, you tend to do things that are unorthodox. I act this way, to ensure that people like me. I have been this way, so people can be comfortable with themselves around me. It has worked, to an extent. It does tend to classify you in a manner that doesn't reflect who you are.

Does it matter? In my mind it has. It has brought about an equal, but opposite problem. Now I am in a world where you need to be smart. You have to be quick. I am currently in the process of reinventing myself. It's hard to do, when you've spent most of your life being a lovable dolt.

So... Why don't I have a blog yet??

I have a lot to say, more than what can be put in a Facebook status. I think I worry that people will pick it apart. I worry that my words will be misunderstood, or not translate well into text. People who know me, know that I use character voices, pop culture references, and twisted song lyrics to get my point across, most times heavy on the comedy. I think sometime down the way, I'd like to make a video blog, so people will understand more of the things I say. But for now, I'll work on getting this off the ground.

I worry that my writing skills are lacking. I study myself, and I feel I have a problem with keeping focus, and with keeping intensity throughout the project. I tend to ramble, and I am, right now, thinking of the next subject, while I'm typing this.

My wife seems to think I have A.D.D., and I think I would agree with her, but... We're not doctors. My brain works like a Robin Williams stand-up act. It gets kind of hard sometimes. My wife (We'll call her Jackie... since that's her first name) thinks medication would help. I say, no. I need to be able to cover all the angles, before they come up, if I'm ever going to take over the world. Medication would dull my extreme intelligence.

I think I worry that no one cares to hear what I have to say. I'm not anything special, but neither is anyone else. I sometimes think that my life is nothing worth writing about.

I'm a procrastinator. I am just being lazy. I watch the right opportunity pass by, and my brain paralyzes my body into doing nothing but worrying about failing. It's crazy that I've accomplished anything so far.

I could write a book on procrastination. Maybe I'll start tomorrow...

So... Why don't you have a blog???

I do... You just read it.